I am tired – physically tired and my spirit is tired.

I am in our rehab centre – just beside the hospital. Today I am trying to stay away from the hospital – trying to put some distance between myself and the sad realities living over there. Still, my body is here on the couch and my mind is there with the children.

Johanne

I see Johanne lying on her bed-seven years of age and she is in a coma. The wall that fell on her head pushed a bone in her skull into her brain and to most people she is dead.

The doctor asked me to tell her grandmother Meritanne that they cannot do anything for her and that there is no hope for Johanne to recover. I told him that I would tell her that it was unlikely Johanne would recover BUT I would not say that there is no hope. Where there is life there is hope and how could I take that little hope from this loving grandmother? How could I? Meritanne has been with her granddaughter day and night and she knows that she is very sick. She is not expecting a full recovery BUT she sees her alive when many are dead. She has hope that she might recover – even a little bit. Hope is not the same as expectation. Who has the right to take away Meritanne’s hope? No one has that right. I understand this doctor – he is a kind man that came to help. He does not want to give the family false hope. I told him he does not have to worry about this BUT we will not take her hope. She is a smart woman and she is realistic. She is a Haitian mother and the Haitian people are a people of hope. Good for her. I share in her hope.

And what of Johanne - one eye open and the other closed shut and who knows what is going on in her mind? When I talk to her and kiss her soft skin, I like to believe she is aware of it and that the blinking of the eyelid is her way of saying that she is indeed listening.

Meritanne takes comfort from the fact that the ‘white doctors’ – Norma and I (neither of us doctors!) are giving her child so much attention and that we BELIEVE that Johanne is still very much with us. I told everyone in the ward that we have to put a lot of attention on Johanne - that Johanne has to know how much we want her to come out of this coma. Other mothers give encouragement and everyone says the same thing – thousands died, Johanne is alive. There is a reason!

Johanne is one of seven kids. The others are okay, if that’s the right word. Their home was destroyed and they are all living in a nearby park. They lost all they owned. The grandmother wonders what will happen if Johanne is discharged. I wonder the same but for now she will not be going anywhere as she is too unwell. Probably, dear Johanne, will not be discharged as for sure your family cannot take care of you in the rubble or under the four sheets that is now your home. Dear, dear Johanne, in a moment your life was changed forever and there is no point in even beginning to wonder why. I hope, I so dearly hope that we can help you and your family. I hope. I hope.